The Hoe

Today : The Hoe.

"In the beginning there was the swamp, the hoe - and Jussi killing ghouls." Väinö Linna, Under the North Star, uncensored edition.

The Hoe is a very common gardening tool, therefore easy to find in any mökki, shed, garden cabin, barn, Clas Ohlson. A simple look at it will reveal its great appeal for a zombie hunter : The blade, firstly. Not as heavy and strong as an axe, perhaps, but can be equally sharpened and benefits from its light weight. Convenient to take by your side in a fight, you won't tire too easily. Beware, nevertheless : The blade is perpendicular to you and may possibly curves towards you, making it sometimes difficult to extract from the skull if you strike to strongly and vertically. Use the blade to crush but don't abuse of your muscle-power because once again : this is no axe !

So why recommend this tool if it can be tricky ? Because the hoe can be very nice to chop the lower-jaw apart while keeping a safe distance from the ghoul, preventing it from biting before you finish it. A lateral swing hitting at the mandible level should do the trick. Now, at last, the curved blade works at your advantage as it pulls the jaw away as you swing further ! (Tip of the day : the more rotten the ghoul, the more efficient this technique will prove itself ! Beware fluids.)

And it's a very light tool, that even exist in travel/pocket version ! If you have to take care of a few isolated ghouls, go with the double-handed hoe : It's fast, not too tiring but still a bit demanding... Greatly replaces morning yoga to keep fit and lower down your cholesterol.

But if the horde you're going to face may drive you to close combat, then the single-handed hoe will allow you a better freedom of movement, more elaborate choreography - don't forget classy posture after the kill - and avoid the clumsiness of an almost one-meter long handle in a relatively small hunt-area (Inside the mökki, inside the boat, inside the horde...)

Hammer and blade in one, small tool. You can now hunt mushrooms in total safety.

I would like to conclude with a word about the tool's head. Be aware that some hoes have only a blade, but others are equipped with additional hunting potential. My demonstration model, for instance, has its blade balanced with a hammer-type of head (Zombie Hunters like hammers, remember ?) But I could also recommend, not with a hint of delight, this awesome ancient Rome model (told you the tradition was old): The Axe-Hoe. Double the blade, double the kill.

The fabulous Axe-Hoe of the Roman Legion. Want to buy it ?