It has returned... A Halloween Tale.

I was off duty, this fateful night. Outside, the cold wind of the incoming Winter blew the dead leaves of the quiet, deserted streets. The light of the lamppost illuminated the living room with their gloomy orangeness, and I was resting in my dark, candle-lighted room, reading forbidden books full of unholy knowledge. And no, it wasn't porn.

Suddenly, a frightened knock at my door. My roommate (that we will rename Mikko for anonymity purpose) whispers anxiously through the wood : "Flo, I think you should come and see that..." I stand off my bed and grab my Billhook. I know this tone, it means business. But I quickly realize that tonight, it's not about the usual ghoul hunting. Something more hideous has slipped into our home. Again.

I know what I may have to face in the dark corners of our bathroom. I fought it before, with success. I defeated this inter-dimensional creature in a long, horrible, mind-scarring battle. But I won, and I'm sure this abomination has not forgotten it.

This time, it's personal.

"I fought it before, I know its power. Better take some gloves."

I equip myself with the "Saftey First" equipment : Mask, goggles, gloves. This promises to be a hell of a fight.

"OK, Sonovabitch, it's you and me, now."

Once I'm secure, I take a deep breath and prepare myself for the corruption that awaits me in the bathroom plunged in (almost) eternal darkness.

"OK, careful now..."

 The beast is close, I can hear its disgusting breathing.

"Lurking in the shadows... Waiting in the darkness... for its prey."

I feel upon myself the greedy trilobed eyes of this Thing. Fear surrounds me now, but I don't lose my courage. Am I a fucking Zombie Hunter or just a stupid cosplayer ?

"Haha, switch on the light ! I feel your strength weaken already !"

 First, I strike on its weakness. That will teach It, for sure.

"Wooohoo, where are you ? Guess who's home ?"

No reaction... strange... Try provocation.... Nothing... I decide to go for initiative.... And open the Seal of Doom.

I careful open the Seal of Doom.

 What a terrible mistake.... What have I done.....

My Gods ! It's real ! IT HAS RETURNED !!!

"DIE NOW ! I EXPEL YOU, UNHOLY SPAWN OF UBBO-SATHLA !"

"In the Name of Ukko, leave this place right now !"

"Hei, you listen ?"

"I'm NOT kidding, OK, stop laughing creepily !"

"Oh oh...... What's that smell ? Hei, Mikko, don't leave me !"

"HEEEELP ME ! NO FACEBOOK TIME, HERE !"

"MY BILLHOOK ! I NEED MY BILLHOOOOK !"

"AAARRRRGGHHH"

Ssssluuuuuuuuuuuuurp

Blam.

The End.




Or is it ?

The Years of Many Deaths : The Great Famine of Finland from a Zombie Hunting perspective

The Great Famine of Finland occurred at the end of 17th Century (1695-1697) and killed a third of the country's population. Well, if you can call it a country : At the time, Finland was part of Sweden who, despite being rich and wealthy and all that stuff, also starved to death at the same time. You may wonder why wikipedia isn't telling much about these troubled times. Or why "many deaths" ? Just because lots of people died ? What's the big difference with, let say... before or after that ? (actually, after that comes a nice northern plague we should also talk about). No. There is a very good reason.

Well, you probably guessed it.

GHOULS !

But let's start from the beginning. The very beginning.

The Zombie Hunting Revival

Obviously.

We are in 1649. The Queen of Sweden hears echoes from rising undead activity in the North, and it starts to be a little worrying since one year earlier only, the Thirty Years War was ended, lot of good soldiers are dead, survivors are exhausted, and the bank account isn't glorious despite gained territory. Sweden was a big badass in the war, and there is no chance its suddenly collapse because of an outbreak. Imagine what the Pope's gonna say : "LOL" ? Come on ! THIS ! IS ! SWEEEEDEEEEN !

So the Crown decides to gather a team of the best ghoul hunters of its kingdom, a hardcore team of battle-strengthen Badasses. Finns. Well, they're good at slashing undeads, but mass-work is still a bit primitive, therefore, the Dutch "merchant" Peter Thorwöste is called to Finland to create the first Zombie Weapon Factory ever in a little town called Fiskars. Forging sharp, deadly, awesome tools will be their specialty up to today. Fiskars is, in fact, the oldest company in Finland.

Hint, hint.

Thorwöste is a semi-legendary figure. Some pretend he wasn't Dutch, or didn't even exist. The usual etymology for his name is Thor, germanic name of the protective God of the Zombie Hunters and wöste, an old dutch variant of Wut, so Thor's Anger... Many zombie hunters just consider him to be the "spirit from abroad that revitalized the Finnish Ghoul Hunting Soul". So why dutch and not swedish ? Because... come on... Sweden...? After the so called disaster of the "Great Famine", some bad spirits - mostly swedish - made the joke that it was actually Thor's Waste. Tssss.


The Fiskars furnace will rearm the elite hunters of Finland, starting a new cycle of training that will last almost 50 years. It is considered to be the Golden Age of the Revival, when Finland rediscovered its zombie hunting heritage. But then came the dark times.

The Great Famine

"Eating Mom", Finland, 1696. Notice how Dad's improvising a wooden tool.

It stroke Finland hard and painful. Like that time when the Finns were leading Sweden in the final match of the Ice-Hockey World Cup, and lost stupidly. Remember that pain in your ass ? It was the same.

Except people died.

Famine caused weakness, and the hordes of the undead devastated the plains of Finland. The Finnish zombie hunters did their best to contain the infection, and, well, they pretty much did for a few years. By the time this happened, the church was really well implanted in Finland, and witnessed the horrors of the Living Dead eating their sheep alive ( their metaphorical ones, the real ones were long gone). The killing spree and the rising of the supposed to be dead people created the legend that the Finnish soil refuse to let you rest in peace before you experience "many Deaths" (cf. : letter found on a half-eaten priest in Rovaniemi. Since he was found on time by professionals, he gladly experienced only one.)

"Good moaning, Petteri !"

A third of the population died, and it is assumed a quarter of the population rose again. Nobody really knows where this new wave came from, nor how the infection spread so fast in a so specific area. Some pretend it's a Swedish plot to weaken Finland, you know, the usual, others that Russia was planning its war against Sweden, other that both empires decided to "clear the future battlefield" in order not to be disturbed by a bunch of Finns while being so civilized doing war. We will probably never be certain. What we know, is that after loosing so much people, and sacrificing a huge lot of its best hunters in epic 1 against 100 battles (so I've heard, might be bias here and there), Finns isolated the Outbreak in the North and contained it. At last, crops were fruitful again, people healthy, and happy.

Till bastard brought the Plague thirteen years later.

(I'm looking at you, Estonians !)


Oh, and happy Hallow's Eve. Tip of the Day : Be careful what you encounter tonight, some wear masks... some don't.

Seen in Finnish buses

A kid-friendly campaign in Finnish school buses in Espoo. The VVO cares. 

Zombie Hunting in Finland : The early days

It may surprise the casual reader of zombie hunting history, but this most family-friendly activity has been quite popular in Finland since the early days of human settlements in this region. The whole Nordic area has a long tradition of hunting the ghouls, even more, for some reasons, than central Europe. I invite you today to grab your fur boots to join me on a marvelous travel through time, and to discover why Finland was, and remains, one of the most delightful zombie-hunting place of Europe.

My own translation : "Run, you fools !"

Let's first have a look on the whole Nordic world. The presence of ghouls in fenno-scandinavia is attested since the fifth century in Norway thanks to the very famous "Stiordal Runestone". The old Germanic rune carving warns eventual trespassers that "When thou meet the Dead Walker, thou shall strike thee head with thy strength, courage, and badass weapon" (translation powered by Google... Bing translates it "Have a happy holiday in Stiordal, check out the free buffet"). The runestone (see picture hereby) depicts a wolf with HANDS (see, metaphor, people) eating another wolf, while the snake figure containing the runes evokes an unbroken cycle. Infection !

 Songs and oral tradition make, of course, the Living Dead already present long before that. In the popular Sagas and Eddas, the zombies are recurrent guest stars. Unfortunately, stupid good-thinkers monks translated them with some christian flavors, flawing the whole meaning of some epic scenes. They even mistranslated things on purpose, probably believing that there was something wrong with dead bodies walking around living people. And not called Jesus. Therefore, you will often read that the main characters "goes the to realm of the Dead", when, in fact, the oldest Icelandic version that we have access to seem to be pretty clear on who's visiting the realm of who. The last remains of zombies evocations in Eddas may be the infamous Ragnarök, the End of the World, where dead warriors "rise again the next day to fight again" ahem ahem...

But let's come back to Finland. Facing several attacks of ghouls, the first settlements of Finns reacted pretty promptly. First, they got rid of the threat, then they blamed the Sami people and pushed them further North. It was believed that Sami Shamans may be responsible for the disease, a popular belief that found its way in the Kalevala as the people of Kalevala constantly fight the "Northern Kingdom" Pohjola (Lapland), and blame the Witch Louhi, Queen of Pohjola, to spread "weird diseases" on their lands. ("unfounded accusations" she claimed in a recent Interview to Ilta-Sanomat, claims Ilta-Sanomat). Later in their history, Finns will successively blame Sweden, Russia, the EU, Russia. Fact is : nobody really knows where the disease came from in the first place.

Moscow Plague 1771 : 28 Minutes Later.

Their great experience in dealing with the Walking Dead became very useful when the Great Plague stroke upon Europe, and that Finland remained almost untouched by the pestilence. Some say it was because they were not concerned by international trading and had a low population. I will tell you the truth. When the first plagued arrived on Finnish shores, they were exterminated by mistake. "We thought they were dead !" screamed Mikko H. as the christian Church of Finland put the first flame to his pyre. As cruel as it seemed at the time, the zombie-hunting reflexes of a bunch of Finnish pagans probably saved the country from total annihilation.

The King of Denmark's Band is infected.

You may wonder why I associate paganism and Zombie Hunting ? Well, if nowadays it doesn't really have any impact and this sport is open to everyone, there was a time when the Pope didn't appreciate seeing his good people slicing head off walking people, and since Dead could not walk - except if Jesus was involved - and especially couldn't eat people - God ? What the Hell, man ? - Rome repressed in blood every single zombie-hunting club, like they did with Witchcraft and other cool hobbies. The Church denial deeply harmed the tradition that could have been lost, if not for the courage of some heroic pagan zombie hunters. They kept this art alive till the Church faced major outbreaks and decided to deal with it with Inquisition and recruited this strong hunters for special sweeping missions. But that's another story.

I may ad that paganism and zombie hunting, if not directly coupled anymore, are still linked by popular culture. If you ever wondered why Finland and overall Nordic countries produces that much Folk-Pagan Metal, you have a clue now. It is as well very rewarding that one of the most popular symbol of European pagans nowadays remains the Hammer. Symbol of Thunder God Thor/Donner in the Germanic pantheon, and the Finnish Ukko ( same archetype, but even more badass, because in Finland, Ukko rules over pretty much everybody else.).

Ukko's Hammer. The heads are longer than Thor's, remember, it has to pierce.

The figure of the thunder god holding a Hammer was considered as the protector of mankind, the scando-germans emphasizing on how much he likes to crush skulls (humhum) of mankind-threatening monsters. If the Finns placed Ukko over all the other Gods, it is actually because they needed this protector more than everybody else in the area.

ZHF is on Facebook. Like it. Spread it.

Hei, if you did not see, I opened a Facebook Page for the Zombie Hunting in Finland project ! I will probably continue for some time to announce new posts on my own wall, but the goal is stopping to spam it at some point ^^ (as well as allowing people to get to see it without being my FB friends).

Support this noble sport by liking the page and spreading the disease the knowledge. This may save your life, and the life of your loved-ones. It will also save my wall.

Types of Tools : The Cleaning Tools

I may have mentioned a few times the term "Cleaning Tool", and realized that this terminology may be confusing for beginners. Therefore, a little clarification could be of use ! What's a Cleaning Tool ? Well, there are two kind of these. The literal one and the metaphorical one.

When you're done with the Hunt / Kill, and had your fun, sadly comes the time to clean up the mess you just created (unless you have friends with you, than you can use force conviction to make them do it for you). Sometimes you can just bury the body, or even better, burn it. The cremation is the safest cleaning you can possibly apply to a finished ghoul. But sometimes it's not immediately possible, and transportation to a more adequate site may be required. In such scenarios, separate body parts will ease the moving of the corpse with the ingenious use of plastic bags (I strongly warn you against the ecologic biodegradable trash-bags, very fragile and even worst, overpriced). To disassemble a corpse, a serrated tool - like a saw - or a Chinese cooking knife (that looks more like a chopper than a knife, to be honest) are the most convenient choice for a delicate and precise job. 

Of course slicing it like a brute with an axe will do as well. 

(But beware the splatters and such, that will make the other Cleaning longer, and harder.)

This is then a "cleaning tool", called like this because you "clean" the body away from the killing place. But then comes the more literal cleaning (the one when you wish you hadn't use an axe just before). With water and soap (and bleach). A sponge, therefore, is a typical cleaning tool. Mind the difference to avoid confusion and increase efficiency by choosing the Cleaning Tool according to your Cleaning Task. 

 In order to help you, here is a little Test : 

On the two hereby presented pictures, three cleaning tools are depicted, but one of them is useless. Yes, but which one ?

Analyze the context to get a clear understanding of the situation. Once you are certain which type of cleaning this exercise is about, be sure you identified the three tools, and decide which one is not necessary to accomplish this Cleaning Task.

Know your prey : Zombies

I think it might be a good time to evoke an important part of the Zombie hunting.

Zombies.

You may have seen and read a lot of things about zombies, and like every work of fiction, it includes some inaccuracies, approximate information, and a lot of bullshit. Several filmmakers did a great lot of money by transforming zombies into cash-machines, even if some truth may be found in their romantic vision of the ghouls. But let's start by busting some old clichés :

Zombies don't aim for the brain.

Well, they will eat it if they can, but they do NOT aim for it, and please, they don't moan "BRAAAINS". This very idiotic gimmick has become so popular "thanks" to the "Living Dead" movie-franchise that it is now deeply associated to the... living dead. Well, this enters the Bullshit category. Just think about it for a second : The zombie is a a predator that uses its claws hands and fangs teeth. To get to your brain, it has to face the same challenge than you do when you try to destroy his : The brain is protected by the skull. When you will have to hit three, four, five times on a head till the skull is really cracked, you will know why teeth are not the best tools for that. Especially when your jaw muscles are rotting.

PS : In "Return of the Living Dead", the survivors actually ask a zombie (sigh) why they eat brains. And the ghoul answers (sigh) : It's a..... zombie Pain-Killer ! (super-sigh) Sorry, this is just too much. The entire ridiculous scene here. Fellow socionomists, notice at 1:36 a nice open-ended question !

Zombies don't talk.

Not for saying brains, nor to call 112 and say : "Send. More. Paramedics." (people who got this one, welcome to the Vintage Club. And yes, I admit I actually laughed at that joke). Zombies are primitive predators, they are dead, and regressing. Making them talk, or think, is awfully silly. It simply makes no sense. Talking zombies are like talking mimes : Clowns.

Zombies don't run.

I will not go in the details and bore you to death, but instead call to your common sense. Dead, rotting bodies. Running. Muscles stretching fast, no oxygen, no self-repair of the body. Fortunately for zombie-hunters, this does not happen, because if it did, ghouls would just fall apart in a few hundred meters ! Where's the fun in that ? For more information, Max Brooks' Zombie Survival Guide explains that pretty well. This guide is quite handy, actually, even if it contains some funny inaccuracies and American-centered analysis. Hey, Max, how does a severed head moans... without lungs ?

Slowly, but surely.

Zombies don't use tools.

No Walking Dead ever uses tools or weapons. It is another fancy urban legend used by bad hunters to justify how they screwed. "I swear, he suddenly put out a machine-gun !". Yeah, whatever.
No proof or trustful witness of such occurrence were ever produced, therefore, it remains very unlikely that this ever happened. Nevertheless, some people swear in court having seen ghouls using stones, sticks, and Nokias.

And last but not least :

Zombies are not blue.

Oh, please, don't be silly.

This, my friend, looks more like it.

 Ah, and before you ask : they don't sparkle either.



PS : No offense to the "... of the dead" and "... of the living dead" fans. But this is a serious hobby I'm talking about, here.

Guns are for rednecks

I keep hearing from people around that, in case of a Zombie Outbreak, what you need is a GUN. I keep reading the the US would be a haven of survival because of its GUNS. GUNS GUNS GUNS ! Yeah, bring out John Wayne's hat and the Eastwood poncho. That will help, for sure.

GUUUUUUNS (family-friendly reconstitution with toys)

What makes guns beloved weapon ? Well, the range, first. You keep at a far and very safe distance of the ghouls. Precision, especially with rifles. Efficiency : Automatic for the win, keep shooting and make a high kill in a few seconds. Yeeeha. And come on, ratatatatatata like a boss.

That, of course, is for those who trained and know how to use weapons. What about you ?

I made my "military service" in France, the so called "Call to Defense", and that was one stupid day in a military base, checking if I could read and write, watching propaganda videos. Nothing to do with guns. Other countries of Europe do not have a mandatory military service, or propose a Civil Service instead. Finland has both. So, in Europe, far from everybody did a military training. Plus, guns are not that easy to find and practice as a simple hobby. What about you ?

Do you know how heavy a hand-gun is ? How hard it is to do a head-shot ? Because that's what you are aiming at to kill a ghoul, if I may remember you. Even snipers are not trained for head-shots ! It is super-hardcore, it's the best way to waist time and bullets ! Of course, if you want to clean an area, from a safe, high position, why not. If you're good at shooting, of course.

But then, think of the noise. One shot, and the whole neighborhood is aware you're there. Two questions :

-Is the neighborhood friendly or hostile ?
-Is the neighborhood still alive ?

And there is an even bigger problem than noise. Guns need to be reloaded (duh ?).

Ammunition is the key word. In Europe, it might become hard to get ammos when the Dead rise. Ammos fitting your gun, that is. Except if you know some paramilitary rednecks, but in that case, are you sure you want to be with "these" guys in such a crisis ?

Are you ready to trust this kind of psycho ? Hint : he ended up mass-murderer.

Then think also about the situation :

You are hunting, you shoot-out, ghouls are around, and you need to reload. Contrary to popular belief mostly brought by bad Z-movies and video games, guns rarely possess the unlimited-bullets function. They also never wait for you to be safely under cover before getting empty or jamming. I'm looking at you, John Woo.

So using a gun : Brings more ghouls to you + obliges you to make reload-breaks till you run out of ammos + forces you to have a back-up plan when this happens (usually, Plan B is a melee weapon such as the awesome Billhook. Unprepared hunters' Plan B usually is "RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIIFE!!!!").

Still thinking it's a good idea ?

The worst being "Target Practice". In order to use any type of gun, you have to train, especially if you're not already a battle-strengthened military/hunter/revolutionary. Practicing makes noise and uses ammunition. Questions :

-How much ammunition can you afford to spend on practice ?
-How easily can you get new ammunition ?
-How far from your hide-out are you ready to go in order to practice without attracting every ghoul in the area to your home sweet home ? (Remember that you have to go back after practice, encountering everything that your uproar has attracted)

Of course you would know what is shot with what gun, right ?

So, my friend, in case of a Zombie Outbreak, you are not really going for the gun. Loud, heavy, need to reload, complex cleaning (yes, no cleaning = jamming. Oho, Houston we have a problCRUNCHCRUNCH)... And no psychological effect on the prey. Living Dead are not going to piss their pants because you have a Big Gun. What about you when they outnumber you and your weapon makes "click" instead of "BAM" ?

Of course, in a simple hunting party, when there is no out-break and you're doing it for fun, with the occasional Undead that lurks in the woods, well, you don't really care. All you need is a valid permit for your gun and the use it. But if you do it for the sport, you're not going for a gun anyway. Keep it far and safe ? No risk ? No challenge ? Shooting for "sport" to a single, isolated, slow moving corpse... it's like hunting a crippled elderly deer. You don't own any respect from real hunters for that. You're just a redneck that likes showing-off carrying a gun to compensate something.

And this is not you, isn't it ?

The Belly-Ripper

Today : The Belly-Ripper

Yeah, try looking nasty with... this.

That is a tool I admit not being very familiar with, but the Finnish girl that gave me this with a feverish enthusiasm told me it would do an amazing Zombie Weapon, since it's usually used to professionally rip a lot of bellies. Or at least I think she said bellies...

I can only guess that the ingenious Finns invented that very light and fancy tool to use it like a rasp to grate the guts of the ghouls out of their bellies... I'm not totally sure what the point is, perhaps using its own intestine to make it fall down and crush the skull the old way - with the boots ? Yeah ! Clumsy zombie : The best joke when camping with friends ! Especially if you're friends only since you met after the government stopped broadcasting, this kind of funny event tend to ease breaking the ice. Or you could tie the ghoul to a tree for.... a certain... possibly clever... purpose... ?  Like target practice ? Or sadism !

Well I imagine a lateral movement, with enough pressure, could possibly rip the face off as well. It's quite handy if you have to put an end to a loved one's misery ! You know, not having to see his/her face can make it easier when it comes to declaim your sorry (but brave) monologue out-loud and do what has to be done. No familiar face, just rotten muscles, nose-less, smelly putrefied meat on boring skull...

Oh, sorry, were you eating or something ?


It remains an interesting challenge and some day I may find a way to kill a ghoul with this. If you have suggestions, do not hesitate. Remember : Be creative, use your imagination.

Nää, I think I will just go back to real tools. Sorry Eeva.

And this was the last """tool""" I took a picture of before even thinking about making this blog. It wasn't really supposed to get this far, so from now on, I guess I have to improvise !

Oh, and thanks to Someone(s) for using the anonymous opinion ! Appreciated :-)

The Golf Club

Today : The Golf Club

Thanks to this tool, Zombie Hunting may at last be recognized as a sport. Possibly Olympic.

The Golf Club drastically improves composure.

Another classic, but this time, that deserves its hype. In the world of the modern zombie hunters, and contrary to the Axe, the Golf Club is not a hipster : It was deadly before it was cool. But how cool, still ! Elegant and classy, the Golf Club is the weapon of the Sir, the Dandy Hunter as well as the First Class Awesome Badass. It is light, solid as hell, it swings gently to any ghoul's skull with the exquisite aerial feeling of an artist painting a masterpiece. And above all : It is precise ! Contrary to the Baseball Bat, a rudimentary stick of wood that distinguish itself from Neanderthal's cudgel only by its insane overprice, the Golf Club is a beautiful piece of strong metal with a tiny but reliably solid head, able to smash with ease the ugly face of this Walker scaring your friends. Yes, tip of the day : When you force a nose inside a face, you damage the brain.
 :-)

WHOOSH. What a feeling.

The Golf Club is arguably the most marvelous weapon of all, for a fun-hunt, a recon, a loot-the-K-Market-mission, or even a garden cleansing when wild zombies appear during the night.

It is not perfect, though. Well, chrome metal looks cool, but it's shiny. If the weather is good, reflection of the sunshine may alert other ghouls of your presence. You can of course cover your Golf Club in shoe-polish, like a sniper. Fortunately I don't need that very often, I hunt in Finland.




Warning : The over-confidence that this excellent tool can bring to you must not be neglected. You might get the feeling that this weapon does almost not need you to do the job, but remember this : Golf Club only generates a deep self-impression of badassery. Not badassery.

 

But, hell yeah, it does provide charisma.

Beware the obvious choice

Well, today I would like to ad a little thing to the review of the double-handed axe. As I said then, the big axe is an apparently obvious choice : It cuts, it's heavy, it's bad ass. And hey, it's in the movies ! Seen on TV ! But unfortunately, the "obvious" choice isn't always the best one. When deciding to use or not to use a tool, ask yourself a few questions :

Is it solid ?
Is it hard ?
Is it light or heavy ?
Is it handy, easy to manipulate ?
Does it require military training or GM-body ?
Is it sharp ?
Why do I actually want it to be sharp ?

For a strange and primitive reason, a surprised victim of a ghoul attack will, often, go for the sharp tool. Why, people, why ? This is not a grand-ma-handbag-robber or your usual psycho-neighbour ! You don't really need to cut, actually, but to crush and pierce first. The slicing is part of the funIMEANsaftey, like close-combat situation. Allow me to direct your attention to the fact that you have to go through one of the thickest bones of the body : The skull ?

Hello, Saw. You sharp, you sexy. But wait a second...

Let's use a concrete example. A saw, for instance.

Yes, it's sharp, and it's light, and the grip is safe (even if not really convenient for that kind of job). But hey, it's awfully FLEXIBLE ! The saw is the perfect example of a tool fitting lots of the usual requirements without being actually effective. Well, OK, as a Cleaning Tool, perhaps. Or if you're so desperate you want to cut your veins open with an over-dramatic blade and funny sound effect. but aside that, pardon me, but it sucks.

Some say that if the ghoul is rotten enough, a nice semi-circular swing can slice the head off. If you are a crack in body decomposition, go ahead and be my guest ! I will step a few meters aside and enjoy the show with my Billhook, just in case you overestimated your expertise.

So, if given a choice, I strongly recommend to grab solid tools before sharp tools, unless you're up for some sophisticated hunting. But then you should definitely make your arrangements before leaving camp, friendly advice. If you are not familiar with the Zombie Hunting, you go for the crushing, not the slicing. Oh, and a crushing you can physically handle. Avoid therefore these huge hammers you see in Clas Ohlson and that you can't actually raise by yourself, for you will have to carry it around for a while, and swing it in the air.

Several times in a row.
 

The Saw : I don't know for you, but a blade that makes "woopwoopwoop" when you shake it does not inspire me any trust.

The Double-handed Axe

Today : The Double-handed Axe

Show-off time !

On the photo album that gave the initial idea of this little blog, people were praising the axe as the weapon of choice against zombies. Well, it certainly has a primal appeal, I can't deny it, but it also is obviously overrated.

This axe has several strong weaknesses. It's heavy and unbalanced. It will tire your arm very quickly (anybody used to chop logs knows what I mean). Therefore, you will have to use a lot of energy killing the ghouls, and that's not the only bad consequence... The Axe has a heavy head that, with the kinetic energy you have to use, will literally bury itself in the skull. Good luck getting it out !

If you see what I mean ?

For my family, for my clan, for my cave.

Nevertheless, the axe remains popular among amateurs and "watchers". It's so brutal, primal, it evokes immediately our ancestors' past, living in caves, hunting in packs and eating mammoths. It's bestially groovy. It awakens the barbarian in you (or the psycho). It's, I admit, really cool. But then again, it's a show-off weapon. You don't really kill a lot of ghouls with it, you impress people telling them how you COULD use it in a savage hunt. When in fact, this is a bit like Tony Stark's favorite weapon, the one you use only once. Before having to run because damn, it won't pop out.

The Billhook

Today : The Billhook (aka Brush-Axe)

THIS is the stuff I'm talking about.

Let's speak frankly, this is one of my favorite tools. The convenience of the machete associated to the the hook of the sickle, and the most appreciated double-handed grip. What's to wish more than that ? It's light, it's sharp, it can cut or pierce, and it's awesome. The coolness of the Billhook is so intense that the sole fact of grabbing it will give you the will of swinging it and slice something. Believe me, try it. Let your fingers slowly take the handle in their grasps, and shivers will definitely ensue. It's physical. This tool is to any proper Zombie Hunter what a nude pair of legs is to a single youngster. You see it, you grab it.

You will love this tool for many reasons, here are some of them :

The lightness for an economy of energy and increasing efficiency.

The comfort of the double-handed grip.

The natural feeling of the swinging.

Allows classy postures after the Kill.

A new and intense stage in your relationship with sharp things.

 And the most important :

Made in Finland. It can't be bad.

I have to be honest and, of course, evoke the little downsides of this wonderful attack weapon. Like almost all blades, it can be stuck in the skull if you go a bit to hard in the action. But this is where the Billhook wins the Machete : You can use the hook to pierce without having to completely bury your blade in the head of your prey. Second fairly negligible downside : It isn't close contact, but almost. You have to get some experience first before going for this awesomeness. But then again, the double-handed grip also allows you to have the efficiency of a close-combat weapon with the possibility of extending your range for a reasonable safety distance. And if you slice the arms off with a cool Obi-Wan swinging first, not only will you avoid being grabbed, but you will look amazing.

And seriously, if you're not up for some life-risking challenges from time to time, why are you interested in this hobby, uh ? Don't be a sissy, grab your Billhook...

... AND LET THEM COME !