Today : The Ice Skates

Today, we are talking about a very common fortune tool. Not the best for attack, but a pretty handy defensive tool. One or two-handed, it gives you a sharp advantage in close combat. The blade of an ice-skate is really multitasks, and solid enough to get out of a bad encounter (beware : bashing skulls may definitely impair the shoe part and deform the blade... remember to switch ice-skates regularly in prolonged struggle)

Stolen from the Internet.

The blade can slice, of course, but the tail is a good crusher (especially for the infamous Nut Cracker technique), and the drag pick can also be very helpful in bashing a head or, at least, rip the jaw apart. This "preventive technique" will be developed later here.

Two sharp blades for slicing and crushing.

You may find these tools in many situation, but most likely while you experience an outbreak in a ice-skating location (stadium, open-air frozen sports-ground typical in Finland, and so on). These places will be crowded with young people, unfortunately possibly infected young people.

That's sad and all, of course.

But see the bright side !! The human skull's different plates are fully fused together only around mid 20's ! So if the ghoul you're fighting is a youngster, or even better, a kid, remember that the sutures of the skulls are still a bit weak ! (Weak-spots. You're aiming at them, in the first place. Always)

Classy breathing leather keeps your hands dry despite effort.

The Emergency Hammer

Thanks to Toni Haapamäki for getting in front of the camera with me. I feel less lonely all of a sudden !

I mean... you see, faithful readers, I'm not alone in that business, see, see, proof here !

Preparedness : It can save your life.

"Don't bring too much food, there will be berries!"

If you go on patrol or on a real hunt, there are many things you should think about. We have been talking about tools, history, and some theories, but it's useless to have all this precious knowledge if you don't use it when the time comes.

Duh ?

Well, you would be surprised by how many people go unprepared to their hunting tasks and end up in bad, really bad and even laughable situation. Preparedness is then the key word to success ! This is a first overview of the topic, more may come to go more in depth.

Check the weather-report

What's the weather looking like tomorrow morning when you leave ? Good. But what about the afternoon ? And the evening ? Weather in Finland is tricky at best, bitchy as usual. Check it right if you don't want to die slowly cooked in your winter jacket because sun came out of nowhere after 30 minutes. Or frozen because it went away almost as quickly.

Check also the frozen-state of the ice if you want to be sure you can walk on it. Going through while the ghouls are coming close : Not cool (or not as much as the water. You don't have any trouble with your heart, do you ?)

Weather may as well influence your transportation method, possibly cancelling some options. Don't get surprised by the Finnish Weather !

"See the bright side, nobody's going to steal it !"

Materiel : Because tools are not enough.

Before you leave your home behind to venture in the world ahead, think about a few things. Do you have a map, a compass, a GPS, or even better, all of it ? Notice that having a "good guide" is not enough. You're never completely safe of an accident, a overwhelming attack, or a dramatic mistake. If the guide's dead, and you have no map nor compass, what do you do ?

Before doing anything rash... You are familiar with this, of course ?

Well, you can use the North Star as some do, and let yourself get driven by the sky, but before going for this kind of funny adventure, ask yourself this question : You know how to go back home by following stars, right ? Please kindly note that it has also some limitations, for example, let's say.... nighttime only (cloudless, that is) ? And please don't come up with the "Daytime you shall use the sun, you idiot !", we're in Finland for Gods' Sake ! There is no such thing as "sun", and "daytime" is a very relative concept.

You should also wear a whistle with you. Because when you will have to call for help in the bottom of the cliff with your legs broken, your voice is going to be tired fast. Not your blow ! Well, if (when?) it does, that means you don't have to care anyway.

Drink and Food

Don't forget to bring enough food for the trip AND the time when you have to wait in the bottom of the cliff with your legs broken. Full your bag shamelessly ! But what about the space ? You're not on a hike, so forget about clean clothes and hygiene products : The smell of dirty hunters will not attract ghouls that will mistake you for some moose, which they don't attack. And boys, don't worry about sex-appeal, Aragorn has long greasy hairs, dresses like a homeless and stinks horse. Still a Ladies' Man.

100% energy, no % left for taste.

Oh, and by "drink" I of course mean WATER. Alcohol is strictly forbidden during hunting. It's the law. Yeah... Whatever.

For food, remember that Elovena porridge is rich of good stuff for your body and doesn't require a lot of cooking. It's like music therapy, no skills needed !

And foreigners, don't worry, you will get used to it. Just ad some chocolate powder !

So please consider these factors while preparing for a hunting trip. Those who recklessly believed they just were good enough not to worry ended up in very unpleasant situations and left there friends in dramatic helplessness.

Here is a sad, sad example of what I'm talking about.

Zombie Hunters Symbols : The Skulls.

This is a little side-article about an important detail I had to go over a bit fast last time : The iconography, or in simple words, the logos of the Jägers, their "touch" in customizing uniforms. Indeed, Zombie Hunters during the War did show pretty clearly who they were. Not only by pride, but you have to remember the context. Lapland and Carelia at the time were infested with ghouls and otherworldly horrors. For Finns as well as Russians, seeing a dude arriving with a helmet marked "Zombie Hunter" was like soldiers nowadays seeing a dude with a Red Cross. 

Whatever nationality he is, you don't shoot, because you never know when you may need him.*

Here are some of the most famous Zombie Hunters helmet symbols, so that their noble sacrifice may never be forgotten. Thank you all. 

The cracked skull, symbol of the Elite of Close Combat (Billhook inside)

 The Cracked Skull units were specialized in killing ghouls discretely, in the old fashion way. Modern warfare was trying to develop new techniques based on heavy, loud, reloading-based weapons, but the true hunters knew that a good blade is worth a thousand guns. No little hole in the skulls they left behind. they cracked it. Like it should be.

The elegance of a German design with the badassry of a Finnish pattern.

The basic Zombie Hunter logo in different variants. Interesting detail on the previous picture : Mikko sending a SMS "Please send more anti-tank booze" to Mannerheim on his cell-phone : the infamous Nokia 0001 produced in Finland only in 1940 at 10 exemplars. The three exemplars that did not disappear during the war still work nowadays on prepaid cards. One was offered by president Kekkonen to Simo Häyhä for his birthday in 1957, one is exposed in the Special Collection of the Helsinki National Museum where some people pretend they heard it ring from time to time the Nokia Tune in 8 bits. And the last was send in Space by the ESA in order to give any hypothetical Alien form a chance to give us a call. Rumors on Youtube say it has already happened.

Zombie Hunting is fun. Look, they smile !

The flames with the skull indicates this is the helmet of a Cleaner. Burn, baby, burn.

This last one is very interesting. It's the Cleaner's helmet. The one worn by those who knew what a flame-thrower really is for. A good ghoul is not only a double-tapped ghoul, it's a incinerated body. A pile of ashes is not infectious. And it's romantic. Of course it is. Your loved one is bitten, she dies, she comes back moaning horribly, you have to slash her skull, blood and brain around, ugly.  But what if you burn her to ashes and blow gently on it ? TADA, ROMANTIC !  




And only now do you realize the hidden meaning of this radio classic.

*Nazis used the skull & crossbones to. Some say it was to fool people and gain their trust by faking the Good Willing Zombie Hunters. Some say they really were Ghoul Hunters with a strong taste for preventive actions. But truth is, Hitler just liked pirates.

Nevertheless, due to this bad publicity, Zombie Hunters had to change logo and adopted the White Cross, the little brother of the Red Cross. But this is another story !

ZHF : A Digi-Tale.

Hello, dear followers, and happy new year.

I hope to see you around in 2013, because I have some ideas for this blog, and for you. Yep. Starting with a good news regarding accessories, but this will be for another message. Hint : big thanks require to be delivered since "he" is coming back soon.... As promised...

Now, to the here-presented video. This is a classwork I slightly adapted for this blog, since it would have been a pity to do a ZHF-related job and not share it with you, don't you think ? Well, frankly speaking I spent my afternoon on this, therefore I needed to know this glorious effort of doing a marvelous digi-tale (no overemphasis here) would not be in vain. And as they say, sharing is caring !

Merry Christmas !

I know that most of you aren't really celebrating the Solstice*, as you should if you are genuinely interested in Zombie Hunting, so I kept this little friendly note for Christmas. It is, I think, appropriate to celebrate the birthday of the first Shaman having raised zombies AND still being praised for it (when usually it is pretty badly accepted by Society. Slow and painful death usually ensue). He did use his own shamanistic powers on himself when the people of Judea started to feel a bit fed up, and raised successfully after his slow and painful death (Unavoidable, I'm afraid), scaring his fan-chicks to death when moaning out of his grave, but that's another story...

Happy Birthday, Shaman Jesus !

And now some seasonal safety instructions.


*And if you did, I hope you had a nice one ! See, the Mayan Apocalypse was bullshit, Zombies are the true stuff.

The (real) World Wars Z : Finland in WW2 (Part 1, Winter War)

The Civil War is won. Finland is free and independent. Russia isn't an empire anymore, but only a dictatorship (of the proletariat, no worry, it still means good guys, apparently). While Finland enjoys Victory with some Viina and Terva Ice-Cream, big pal Germany isn't in such good mood. Suffering from a post-(lost)war depression that even Xanax cannot cure, the country is getting broody, Blondie, and Nazi. Everybody around is getting annoyed and angry, especially its Arch-nemesis... Russia. Or should I say...

The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics !

That's how you jump quickly from 6 of December 1917, Independence Day of Finland (hurray!) to 30th of November 1939 (boooh!). The Day the USSR commit one of its biggest mistakes ever.

They attacked Finland.

IIIII'm dreaaaaaming of a whiiiiiiiite Christmaaaaas !

At the time, the soviets are still allied with The Mustached German In Chief, and think that before they betray him, they should gain some territory, train a bit, you know, prepare. Poland was just being cut in two and shared between Nazis and Soviets, so Joseph Stalin decided that the next great trek should be to another defenseless country they used to oppress in the past. He chose Finland. LÅL. Well before we go through the more unknown part of this story (hint : the one involving ghouls), let's just sum up this fight known as "Winter War", if you don't mind. 

On my left, Finland, 346 500 men big max, 114 aircrafts, and... 32 tanks.

On my right, the USSR, 760 000 men, over 6000 tanks and 3800 aircrafts.

What could go wrong ? Well, look at the casualties :

Finland : 25 904 dead or missing.

USSR : 126 875 dead or missing.

When Finland lost 20 tanks, Soviets lost over 3500 of them. The total casualties are so badass you may want to both piss your pants out of laugh and beg Finland to make you a Finn right here, right now : 70 000  Finnish casualties against 323 000 soviets casualties. Yes. And I only count the victims once here, even those you had to actually kill twice.

The Winter War, by visit-finland.com. Get your own plush now !

Many reasons can explain the epic resistance of Finland against the USSR and the... very extreme... casualties on the Russian side, among them a very hardcore winter, the Finns knowing the field better than the Russians, the use of Molotov Cocktails (by the way, did you know that the name "Molotov Cocktail" was actually invented by the Finns ? They even had a mass-produced model where the bottle came with the match to light it on ! 450 000 ready-to-use Molotov Cocktail (and a good excuse for officers to order some Alko products) Thanks Who ? ALKO, once again !) but above all a very efficient guerrilla tactic, putting to excellent use the amazing marksmanship of the Finns by creating legends in the world of sniping. Big up to Simo Häyhä, aka the White Death. This dude was such a terrorizing sniper they send entire artillery strikes against him. He survived the war. In fewer than 100 days he shot 505 enemies. In the freaking dark Finnish winter : no light, -35°. His secret, according to himself ? "Practice".

He's coming to get you, Barbara !

Practice ? What the Hell are you "practicing" to be THAT good at killing human beings that only show the top of their heads ? If you are not new on this blog, you may already have a good guess. You may find many kill counts for Simo Häyhä that go far beyond the 505, some say it's propaganda because it's obviously far-fetched... but they are indeed accurate. 505 were the living ones. the other, well, they were perhaps dead - but still count !

Finnish snipers are considered as being some of the best having fought during WW2. They were an elite. Who would wonder when knowing that the Finnish army of that time was the direct offspring of the Zombie Hunters of the Jäger Movement ? They just were ready. Because what they faced in the snow of the terrible Winter 1939 was not only the USSR.

No. There was another threat.

(insert dramatic music now)

But let's start with the USSR. Different outbreaks from 1922 to 1937 forced Stalin to stop genocide healthy people in order to kill real enemies of his comrades: crawling hordes of Living Dead. Nowadays, it is still hard to know when he massacred civilians or cleaned infected areas*, since he claimed to the West having done nothing at all. While, of course, saying to his own people "Com'on, I'm not a bad dude, I'm saving you from the zombies ! Trust me, Zombies freeze in Siberia, you will be safe there. I even built fences to protect you". Nevertheless, after several human disasters, people started to question his methods and targets. Time to show them all who's the Boss. When the first cases were reported in the north-west, he understood that he could blame the Finns and invade a another country. To flies with the same stone. The rest is history....

...except that, meanwhile, Finnish Zombie Hunters had actually expelled an outbreak out of their borders. An outbreak that came from the deep, dark, scary forests of Karelia. Rumors spread amongst the Hunters that this time, things were different. Not only did ghouls come out of the woods again, and again, and again, with no explanation, but other... signs... betrayed an unnatural activity. They prepared themselves, they learned to face a new danger that never sleeps. Or when it does, it does for eons.

Customized Finnish helmet from the Winter War. What do you think this represents ?

So when the Soviets arrived, they met their doom unprepared, ignoring totally what Hell they were about to meet in this Land....Thankfully, the Finns did. Hence the slightly unbalanced casualties.

The details of what happened remain unclear... Once the epidemic has been taken care of, a secret meeting occurred where soviets and Finns agreed on keeping the Truth hidden, and a proper Peace Treaty was signed. Some say both nations were desperate to see this end, but in fact, they just shook hands after burying a common threat and congratulated with Viina and Vodka. Because Finns and Russians aren't that different after all. Especially when it comes to drinking.

But shit got real when the Finnish government discovered that the Soviets lied (really ??) and didn't bury the threat in Karelian soil, as they promised they would (when they forced the Finns to cede them Karelia, humhum). In fact, they were doing unholy scientific/occult/mad experiments that could lead to an unprecedented disaster for the entire Human Race. And I'm not exaggerating here. Big deal.

Alko. Protecting Finland since 1932.

Finns started to sharpen their billhooks and drink their Molotov Cocktails (they say it helps... and there is "Alko" written on the box...**), ready to fight alone, again, while all other countries in the World would probably prefer to assist them from far... or not at all... again. But this time one country stood by their side. One Power decided to help them taking care of a this unearthly doom. An old friend gone lunatic, but still a friend, you know...

Germany.

We are the 25 of June 1941, and the alliance of Finns and Germans strikes the Soviet Union in the epic struggle called Continuation War. 

This is not about Bring Karelia Back. It's about Don't Bring What's Buried In Karelia Back.

(Why did the Soviet wanted Karelia so bad ? Why did the Finns want to get it back at all costs ? What dark secret lies in the woods of this northern isthmus ? You will discover it in the next article !)

*To be honest, it's fairly possible he unleashed these outbreaks voluntarily to have an excuse.
** After the war, when Alko stoped producing Molotov Cocktails, they turned to denatured alcohol and windscreen washer. Unfortunately true story.